Thursday, September 13, 2012

29 Weeks...and complaining.

I've been avoiding blogging these past couple weeks, because it seems all I can do is complain, and I feel so guilty when I complain, because I'm complaining about part of the only time I'm going to get with about feeling like a horrible mother. But maybe I'm allowed to complain a bit. It's possible to love Eden, and her every (mostly painful) kicks, and still hate being pregnant. I remember hating being pregnant with Brooklyn too - I think I even vaguely remember saying I'd never do this whole pregnancy thing again, which is how I feel right now, but I know I'll eventually forget how miserable I feel while pregnant, like I obviously did when we decided to have a second child...It just sucks. I guess I assumed being 40lbs lighter would make this physically easier on my body, but apparently 40lbs wasn't enough.

A few days after my last post, I was suddenly struck with extreme exhaustion, and I could literally sleep 20 hours out of the day if I had the chance, but of course, I have a toddler, so I'm lucky with the 5-7 hours I get each night. Said toddler also decided that she doesn't nap for Mommy anymore, so I don't get much of an opportunity to nap during the day until she either passes out from exhaustion (if it happens, it's usually around 4pm), or until James gets home at about 5:30. This past week, however, I've been babysitting for a family member in their home, so I've been up at 5am, and then not getting to bed until 9-10 each night - it's definitely adding to my exhaustion. By 3 in the afternoon, my eyes are burning from being so tired.

My morning sickness has also come back with a vengeance. I wake up nauseous and stay nauseous throughout the day now - none of the remedies that worked in the first trimester are working anymore. I wasn't expecting to be nauseous at 29 weeks; it didn't come back with Brooklyn until the last couple weeks of my pregnancy. I'm also back to hurting BAD every time Brooklyn nurses... Other than that, I'm getting other "end of pregnancy" symptoms like not being able to breathe very well while sitting, constant lower back pain, constant ligament pain, and not being able to sleep in any position. I also think my sciatic nerve is being pinched periodically like it was with Brooklyn, because I am getting that weird warm-water-down-the-leg feeling a couple times a day. I'm wondering if this means my fluids are starting to build up, though I don't think I'm any larger than normal - I look about the same this week as I did last week. The only other explanation is it's just my short-stature, and not being able to remember if this was "normal" with Brooklyn's pregnancy...I know for sure I didn't have morning sickness at 29 weeks last time, but the rest of it I have no idea it's very possibly this is just "my" normal, and I just don't remember. I guess I'll find out on the 24 at my next OB appointment.

Anyway, enough complaining for right now. My brother just brought our mail to us, and I received a little package from a name I didn't immediately recognize. I opened it, and inside was a beautiful newborn diaper, a little coin with an angel on it, and a card that will go into Eden's scrapbook. As I was looking at the diaper, I remembered a week ago someone from a website I belong to asked me for my address - I had totally forgotten, so this was a really nice surprise, and a pick-me-up I really needed. <3 It's really nice that even perfect strangers care enough to go out of their way to make me smile.

There are some things I really need to get done sooner rather than later, especially if I really am starting to get excessive fluids. I still need the stuff to make castings of Eden's hands and feet when she's born, I need ink pads for hand and foot prints, I need to get together all the stuff I'm bringing for Eden at the hospital (her gown, her little diapers, her blanket, etc. - luckily it's all in a box, so it'll be easy to put it into a bag), I need to pack my own hospital bag, I need to finish making some postpartum mama cloth for myself, I need to work on Eden's scrapbook some more (which has only gotten to week 8 so far...), I need to make a list of things I want to do at the hospital with Eden so we don't forget (like get a lock of her hair if she has any, her hand prints, etc. - I'm sure I won't forget some of it, but I want to make sure), and I'm sure there is more I just can't remember right now. I'm also waiting on some paperwork and a kit from Duke University to collect DNA and stuff from us and Eden after she's born for the study they are doing on anencephaly.

This coming month is going to be busy for us. On the 22nd, we have our second 3D/4D Ultrasound, the 24th is my OB appointment, then the 29th is the Angel Shower my mom and her friend is throwing for us, and then October 6th I have maternity picture by a photographer with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. We are also (finally!) getting a roof put on our house. My dad and brother are doing most of the work, and James will help on the weekends. I can't wait until there aren't 50 different leaks around the house and soaking wet towels every time it rains - not to mention it's going to be INSULATED! Praise God that we've been able to get the money together for this (mostly...some will have to be put on credit) - we have the first half of the stuff outside right now, and we'll order the trusses and sheet metal and bubble wrap insulation stuff once the first part is built. I'm no longer afraid of snow making portions of our roof cave in this winter! =)

Please continue to pray for us - especially as we get closer to delivering Eden. I'm continuing to pray for everything to go exactly how it's supposed to. I'm praying to go into labour on my own, and that it's an easy, quick labour that is easy on Eden so she will be born alive. I pray that we get to hear her cry, and that she can feel our touch. I also pray for my fellow anencephaly mommies who've already lost their sweet babies, because I know they are having a hard time. I pray for the roof to go up with no problems. And I pray that God makes this pregnancy a little easier on me physically...I really need this to be easier.


  1. I found you on DS, I'm praying for you!

  2. My daughters name is Eden, too. :-) And we are praying for you. You are an amazing mother, I've been following your story & you have left such an impact on my life already, as I'm sure you have others. I'll be thinking about you & sweet Eden.

  3. Ugg, I feel your pain! I was never happily pregnant by the third trimester either! Don't feel horrible about it--it is what it is--the third trimester is not easy for anyone. Love the fact the Miss Eden is making you as miserable as any baby does in this stage of the pregnancy. Eden is just proving to you that she is a fighter and that you should expect nothing less from her during the pregnancy. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers!