Thursday, November 15, 2012

Still Pregnant, Still Stressed

This past week has been pretty much about how the rest of the year is going. I won't go into details, because it isn't my place to do so, but I nearly lost another family member, and one of my grandfathers had a stroke last week. Thank God they are both doing alright now, but this whole past week I've just been sitting here wondering what would be coming next. I just don't understand why our family can't just catch a break. It really doesn't seem fair.
This past Tuesday was my most recent OB and chiropractor appointment. I was checked again, and my cervix is still posterior, closed, and only slightly softer than it was last week. Eden was oblique again, even though she had been (or I thought she had been) head-down the majority of last week. It's a little discouraging, but I guess things will pan out the way they are going to pan out, and there isn't much I can do to change it. I'm kind of just becoming numb to bad news anymore; I'm starting to expect bad news now around every corner, so I might as well get used to it. I didn't have acupuncture at my last chiropractor appointment (she was oblique there as well), because we were going to a class that night that they were having there, and none of us had eaten. I'm pretty sure she's still oblique now, so either the different adjustment my doctor did wasn't as effective as the other ones he's been doing, or it's the acupuncture that is encouraging Eden to be head down. I have no idea how it works, but every session I have, I feel her moving around like crazy in there. And it isn't like we are poking her with needles - they are placed in my pinky toes and above my ankles.

My next appointment day is Monday. I'm going to have my OB check me once again, and maybe my cervix will be more favourable so he can finally strip my membranes...although next week is kind of full! Tuesday I am taking another test for school (yes, I know I said I was done with school for this term, but I figured I might as well get another class done), and then Wednesday I'm spending the day with my cousin, and we are going to see Twilight that night. Yup - I'm a Twilight fan. You can stop laughing now... Then obviously Thursday is Thanksgiving (didn't expect to be pregnant still for Thanksgiving, and I'm thankful to be able to let Eden "experience" it). It's not that I would mind cancelling any of my plans for Eden to make her entrance, but it does make me anxious that I would be disrupting other people's plans if I did have her one of those days. And yes, I know people probably wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't be able to help feeling guilty if it did happen. It would be stressful if she came before or on my test day, because then I'd have to reschedule it before the end of the year or it'll count against me, but at the same time, I'd gladly welcome labour to start any day now, and if I miss my test, oh well...I'm so uncomfortable, and so, so ready to meet Eden. 

I'm praying we get time with Eden and that she lives for months like little Katie did (she lived over 9 months!), or like Angelia, who is 10 months and going strong! These babies give me nothing but hope for Eden, that she too will get to live and feel our love for longer than anyone expected. What a testimony to God these precious babies' lives are, defying all the medical literature on anencephaly! If only more of these children were given a chance to prove the textbooks wrong...

"Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4


  1. I hope so too!!
    I really admire what you are doing, on many levels, and I am sure it is beyond trying. It is a testimony to the grace of God, and the love of a mother. I be praying for you, Eden, and your whole family!!

  2. I know exactly how it feels to have one bad thing after another happen. It seems to be the way my life runs- smooth and easy, then suddenly everything falls apart.

    Don't let all of that get you down! It hurts to hear all of your positive energy being eaten away. You are still doing an amazing thing, this journey is not over, and you are a total rock star. Keep going!!